Little scattered at the moment; all my plans for tonight have fallen through or been rearranged, so now I've got nothing to do and less motivation to do it with.
I was supposed to have two new songs for the gig on Thursday. I haven't gotten off my ass to do them, and I probably don't have enough time now. Oh well, I can try. It's something to do at least, although it can be long and lonely work, which isn't really what I need right now. *shrug*
Mr Sulu, set phasers to Mope. Thrrrrrrpt. I'm not really as down or needy or stupid as I appear to be, reading this over - just sort of detached and hollow. Looking for something to fill it. Trent Reznor, eat your fucking heart out.
I've decided I'm going to write down the history of my life so far, leaving absolutely nothing out. All the bad shit I've done that nobody knows about, the twists and turns that I've kept to myself for years, all the fears and joy, sorrow and happiness and everything that's occured as far back as I remember. It will be private, and no-one will ever read it - but I'll have it, and it will remind me what a terrible person I've been, and still am.
Flat inspection tomorrow. Half of the flat and associated interlopers have done a fantastic job cleaning - I hardly recognise the place. Even the toilets are clean (insert shocked face here). Others have simply refused, even after offering and being given jobs, to do jack shit all. Not happy about that, but don't know how to approach the situation without touching off a metric shitstorm. Plus, I'm sick of playing the Dad (still) and giving everyone their chores and telling them they can't have pudding if they're not done.
Right. Got a harddrive to empty to DVD's, and then it's Reason for me. Yay.
Mood
Would you like some whine with your cheese, fagmo?
Listening to
Von Thronstahl - Bellum, Sacrum Bellum - 09 - The Flying Dutchman
Posted
by Malek on Tuesday 23rd of May, 2006, 01:40:57 AM.
......I was about to type "fuck off" in response to that, but that's only because I'm hurt and upset and it wouldn't be what I mean at all.
I've apologised, and given my reasons. The rest, I stand by what I've said - I didn't do half the things either of you accuse me of. In short, that statement had nothing to do with you; you were, in fact, were a shining example of honesty compared to previous segments of my life.
However, it seems that nothing I can say or do will ever actually convince you of that. It's exasperating to actually be telling the truth, and still not be believed.
If I still seem harsh, put it down to the aforementioned bitterness.
ps. I'm sorry I missed talking to you tonight, my room got stolen and I'm not happy about that either.
All in all, I'm having a really fucking shit time.
